Do you ever feel like your prayers
are ineffective; as if maybe you’re praying wrong or not exactly for the right
thing? This morning I woke up feeling
like this and it caused a wave of defeat to wash over me. There are some things that I have been praying
for and over for quite some time now and they seem to be just as far….just as
un-answered as they were the day it happened or I began praying about
them.
In my head, and I really think I can
say my heart too, I know God is listening, that He really does hear my cries
and my hearts desires, but something inside me is very unsettled…even
hurt. So I pulled out my journal, wrote
down what I was feeling and proceeded to search for some scripture to help me
through. What I came across was Mark
9:22-24…
22 The spirit often throws him into the fire or into
water, trying to kill him. Have mercy on us and help us, if you can.” 23 “What
do you mean, ‘If I can’?” Jesus asked. “Anything is possible if a person
believes.” 24 The father instantly cried out, “I do believe,
but help me overcome my unbelief!”
The part that stuck and hit me the most was…”I do believe, but help me
overcome my unbelief!” With that I
prayed telling God that I didn’t feel like I didn’t believe He could, but if
that is where I am at then please help my unbelief. Father, give me back the heart that trusts
and believes the good no matter what is going on around me. Being honest, as the morning went on doubt
crept back in and I started asking myself, am I really doubting God or is it
something else?
Partly I think the reason I questioned that was because I don’t want to
believe that I actually doubt that things can be “fixed” or changed…or frankly
put, that I could doubt God. Then on the way into work a song that I have never
heard before was on the radio…I caught the tail end of it and the words
were…Lord help my unbelief. It caused
me to realize that I have lost some of the hope; some of the belief that God
can and will; that I once had. I really
don’t want to be in this place of doubt or unbelief anymore.
I will keep this scripture close to me for a while…repeating it in my
prayers and saying it to myself throughout the day. I will pray that God will restore that strong
faith and belief that I know I once had and that He will put an unquenchable
fire in my prayer life that I might stay closer to Him and chase the doubt out
of my mind.
I also send this prayer out for anyone who feels this same defeat or lack
of belief as a result of praying for something for a very long time. He really does hear us and if we stay close
to Him; in prayer and through His word; He will minister to our hearts and help
our unbelief.
