Our way or God’s way

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NLT) ⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. ⁶ Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

Have you ever thought to yourself, if I could just get this together or if I could just stop this, then all would be right with the world?  Or, maybe…if someone you know would just do something this way or that way, they wouldn’t have such problems or issues.  Sometimes we even think if God would just fix this or change that then we could get our lives in order or at least on the right track.  But, how often is that the truth?  How often does a particular situation get resolved and yet we still seem to struggle; somehow it didn’t change us the way we thought it would or things the way we wished it had.

The truth of the matter is, more often than not we are relying on our own thoughts and ideas to “fix” our lives and issues.  We think up these wonderful plans, steps and easy to do’s to get our lives as well as someone else’s life in order, and even if they do work, most times it’s not a lasting solution or remedy.  More often than not our answers are just to fix the problem instead of what we are doing to cause the problem in the first place.  We rely too much on our own thoughts and ideas instead of the one who created us; the one who is supposed to be our all in all.  So I truly believe that if we would take our problems and situations; in fact our whole lives; to God in prayer then we wouldn’t suffer half as much as we do now. 

Psalm 55:22 (NLT) ²² Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.

Shortly after we started our prayer board at home, one day my daughter said to me…”mom, do  you think I need to slow down because so many of the prayers on the board are mine?”  I quickly told her no way…God hears and wants to help with all your prayers.  My conversation with her brought me back to an old hymnal that we used to sing when I was growing up, called “What A Friend We Have In Jesus”.  The chorus part sings….O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer. It occurred to me that my baby has figured out at such a young age, what we as adults still struggle with every day; that the things we battle with, need delivered from or need to change are only truly transformed and healed when we allow God to be at the forefront of our lives. 

I don’t doubt that even something we do take to God; we will still sometimes struggle with.  However, if we are truly trying to focus on hearing from Him and allowing Him to lead the way…these struggles won’t always be as painful or as long.  When we allow God to have His way and follow His will the changes that need to occur are lasting and pure.  Now, I also realize that sometimes we take our burdens to Him, then sadly pick them back up again…I’m certainly a living witness to that.  It’s then that we must realize that sometimes until we truly let go or turn it over to the Lord; we must wake up and give it back to Him daily.  He is a God of faithfulness and when we seek His ways above our own, He will not let us fall. 

Proverbs 30:5 (NIV) ⁵ “Every word of God is flawless; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him.

Taking Responsibility

Ephesians 4:15-16 (VOICE) 15 Instead, by truth spoken in love, we are to grow in every way into Him the Anointed One, the head. 16 He joins and holds together the whole body with its ligaments providing the support needed so each part works to its proper design to form a healthy, growing, and mature body that builds itself up in love.

This morning I woke up thinking about how important it is for us as individuals to learn to take responsibility for ourselves and our own actions.  These verses stuck out to me because too often we don't exactly want to take that responsibility, which makes it even more difficult to realize our position in the Kingdom.  We let our past and mistakes consume us; causing us to stay stagnant and non-functioning.  We'll cloud our own judgment with these answers that make us feel good...but, truth is, we're not growing and are instead sitting in our own misery pretending to be ok with ourselves. 

It says....16. He joins and holds together the whole body with its ligaments providing the support needed so each part works to its proper design to form a healthy, GROWING and MATURE body... Sometimes we blame others and sometimes we will just say...well, this is who I am and I'm fine with that...neither of which is what God really wants for us.  We all have a function and job in the Kingdom of God, and by no means in saying that do I think or believe that we are all not going to have some bad days and times.  However, sometimes it's time to look past our mess and to what God wants from us. 

We've all made mistakes, been dealt bad hands, and just flat out been attacked...but, we must come out of it at some point and accept responsibility for the part we played in it.  Whether it's "our fault" or not it's time to change what we can and to walk into what God has called us to do.  I sincerely cast my own stones here! I'm guilty of knowing something needs to change and at times even blaming someone else for some of the issues or problems that are now current, but I don't want to continue on like this.  I want not only to pray about what needs to be changed on my part and see it, but I also truly want to step into that change. 

I also, from experience, realize this is not always an easy thing to do.  Sometimes it causes us to feel like we need to change everything and everyone around us and other times it just seems to continue to repeat itself over and over again no matter what we do.  I'm also a witness to, at times, the fact that it will continue on for a time because there is something that God wants us to get out of it and even learn from it.  However, no matter what the case is…we have to pursue God's will for our lives.  We have to seek His counsel in and for everything and change what He calls for us to change; even if that means accepting something as our wrong.   

Just as we expect our children to grow from babies who know little to adults who, prayerfully, know more than we as their parents do…so must we as adults grow in the knowledge of Christ from baby Christians (at the beginning of our walk) to more mature Christians.  Some days it seems easy and others it’s a struggle, but no matter what trials or obstacles we come to, He is always with us…ready to guide us through. 

Just the way He made me

Psalm 139:13-18  13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. 14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous how well I know it. 15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. 16 You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. 17 How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! 18 I can't even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!

I was reading an article by Joyce Meyers ,based off of her book Woman to Woman, and she gave these easy to follow suggestions to learning to love and enjoy who God made you to be and as I'm reading them they actually seem like steps to me.  At least they look that way according to how I’ve journeyed through my life and with the issues and situations that I have faced. 

1.  Speak good things about yourself.  Too often, because of low self-esteem or because of things other people have said about us, we tend to down ourselves.  We are quick to speak on all the negative instead of the positive that we bring to this world. Lately, I've noticed that I have changed a lot of the way I speak about myself.  When I open my mouth and the words "I can't" or "I'm not" come out...I'm attempting to change them into...”I'm learning to” or “I'm praying that God will help me to overcome it”.  It’s not always easy because for some stupid reason the harsh stuff seems easier to believe, but I’m making the conscience effort to speak positive into my life. 

2.  Avoid comparing yourself to others.  Admittedly, this is something that has plagued me for a very long time.  However happily, this is also something that I am beginning to overcome.  We look around us and see beauty and intelligence in others and since we don’t look or act exactly the same, we think that we don’t measure up.  So then we try to fashion ourselves to be like what we see in others when the truth of the matter is God made us different for a reason.  I also think this is a very large reason why God had me cut my hair.  Oddly though, I would have thought that I would now compare myself more, but I actually don't.  I guess that just speaks to what happens when we are obedient to God.  He is restoring in me who I was intended to be in Him from the very beginning; I’m learning to accept me for who I am on the inside and out. 

3.  Focus on your potential instead of your limitations.  Instead of constantly talking about what we can’t do or what we lack, how wonderful it would be if we could look at the good in us.  We all have special gifts and things to offer, we just have to stop for a moment to realize them.  I actually think this is where I am at right now.  I prayed and fasted prior to my surgery and asked God to speak to me while I was out of work for those two weeks and I'm truly thankful that I feel He has.  I am beginning to feel more confident in who I am and who I am becoming in Christ.  I may not be able to pray like this person or write like that person…etc…but, that’s ok; I’m doing everything I do the way that God intended for me to.  I don’t doubt that there will be days that I struggle with this, all of this for that matter, but I'm learning that who I am now really does touch people and I am making an impact for God's kingdom just the way that He made me.

4.  Learn to cope with criticism.  Hmmm, this one is tough for me.  I’m not sure that I necessarily get angry when criticized, but because of my "past" low self-esteem, it makes me feel like I'm not good enough, I don’t do anything right or that once again I don’t measure up to what I should.  So, as I do my best to stay focused and am working my way through number three, I'm praying that number four will begin to get easier.  I’m praying to realize that sometimes things are brought to my attention to help me and that even if they are to hurt me, they don’t have to define me and cause me to down myself all over again. 

            The scripture above talks about how wonderfully complex we are; that we were created, every little detail, on purpose and with our own specific purpose in mind.  Just stop for a moment and think about that…God took the time to knit together every fiber of your being, individually and on purpose!  That alone should tell us just how truly special we really are. God loves you better and more than you ever could yourself, that’s why He took the time to make you just the way you are!!

A Deeper Leading

Psalm 32:8 (NLT) ⁸ The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.

I woke up the other morning, took my babies to school, saw my husband off to work and then settled on the couch ready to study and read some of God’s word…and I found myself unsure of what to study.  I’m noticing that if I’m not doing a particular study; whether through an online bible study, a study with friends or from what I’ve learned in church…then I don’t seem to have a direction or guidance as to what to read.  Plainly put, I don’t seem to be as in tuned or focused with the leading of the Holy Spirit for my own private studies as I would like to be.   

I’m certainly not knocking group bible studies or close friends getting together to read, study and talk about God’s word;  in fact I do both and I totally love each of them.  It’s sometimes amazing and eye opening to see the views or ideas of the others in the group.  While the bible is God’s truth, sometimes He may choose to interrupt it a little differently to each one of us and sometimes we can read the same verse a good while later and get an even deeper or different meaning out of it than we did the first time around. 

However, through my maturing in Christ I’m realizing that it requires more of me than to just read along with others or to study this and that as a group, but instead I need to be led by God to study and read things that apply to my individual life and circumstances.  Thinking back I remember I used to say a small prayer before reading the Bible that God would open my spiritual eyes and ears to see and understand what he wanted me to out of the reading and for some reason I have shied away from that. 

My prayer for myself today is that God will begin to lay on my heart the things that He wants me to know and study on a personal level.  My desire is that, through the prompting of the Holy Spirit, my spiritual eyes and ears will become sensitive to the leading of God and the things that He wants me to see, do, say and know.  I guess my ultimate goal is to gain an even deeper relationship with my Heavenly Father so that I’m not always seeking someone else to tell me or guide me on what to read or study. 

So with all that being said, I will incorporate into my daily prayer that God will reveal to me specific chapters, stories and verses in the Bible that will speak to me on a personal level. I have to say that I am actually very excited to see where this will take me; to see where God is going to lead me in my personally spiritual growth and how this is going to deepen my relationship with Him. 

My Obedience to God

     I have just finished an online bible study with a group called Proverbs 31 Ministries.  The book we used was called What Happens When Women Say Yes to God and I am honestly sad that it's over. I am proud of myself for sticking to, finishing and truly putting effort into the readings and studies of this session and can say, that I have been truly blessed as a result.  It was truly eye opening for me and has really helped me to see some of my potential for Christ.  Through this book I have learned  just how important my obedience is to God and how it and I can be used to further His kingdom.  

     This study has taught me how being obedient, even with the little things in life, can actually have a huge impact in God's work through me.  When God presents me with an opportunity to say yes and I am obedient,  I'm blessed and often times He blesses someone else too. I may be able to see that blessing and at times it may go beyond what I can see, but I know in my heart that if God is asking me to do it...then it is good. 

     I've recently realized that one of the things God is calling me to say yes to, is to cut my hair. Now this may seem silly and small to many, and to an extent I can understand.  However, for a very large part of my life I have felt that my hair has almost defined who I am.  It's in a sense been my security blanket...and when I think about it, it makes me feel vain and pathetic.  Because of my past low self esteem I've kind of felt like it has been what drew people to me.  Where ever I go people would comment on my hair and without that what or who am I.  Wow...sounds even more vain after it's been typed out. 

     The truth of the matter is for much of my life, out of fear and lack of believing in myself, I have hide behind what I thought was one of the only nice or good things people saw in me. Now, I'm being faced with the time to cut it and I'm  actually scared of loosing who I am.  A friend said to me  "...this is God's way of telling you to rely on Him for everything."  It's not about what I think other people see me as or me trying to be what I think the world wants me to be, but instead who and what I am in Christ. She also told me, that if is has this much of a hold on me then it is certainly not of God.  ( I didn't like that part so much!)

       So yesterday afternoon I'm sitting here on my couch and I'm actually crying about this decision; or obedience to God; and I get a phone call from my oldest daughter.  She's getting ready to  go to softball practice and she's crying because she has had a bad day.  She's having trouble with someone at school and she equates it to her not being a good person.  She's trying to be nice to everyone and tying to change who she is to please and make them happy.  I find myself telling her if she lives her life trying to be what she thinks other people want her to be she will not only be miserable, but she will find herself further and further away from God.  I explain to her It's not about trying to be what we think we should be, but instead what our Heavenly Father has created us to be. 

     That's when I truly felt foolish for crying over my hair.  I'm trying to teach my daughter not to conform to the world and what others see and want her to be and yet, there I sat doing the same thing.  I won't lie to you and say that I'm totally ok with this, but I'm trusting God and wanting more than anything to be obedient to Him in everything I do. I'm realizing that over the last year and a half God has been slowly changing me, from the inside out.  He has been transforming my heart and mind to be Christ like; to think, act and speak more and more like He is the head of my life and my true hearts desire is to please Him.

     So with cutting my hair, this is another step to turning myself completely over to God and showing Him that I want to be what He wants me to be and not what I think I should be or what everyone else thinks I should be.  That I'm not defined by who I think I am, but instead by who He has created me to be.  I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon and I plan to get about ten inches cut off and donate it to Locks of Love.  I'm praying that God continues to bless me with the strength and courage to stand on my faith in Him and to say yes, no matter what it is that He requires of me! 

September 12, 2013/GOD IS AWESOME

     Right now I have more joy in my heart than I can possible contain, so instead of even trying to contain it I'm going to share it with you and pray to my Awesome God above that you are touched, transformed or your faith restored.  I'm not sure who all reads my blog...I believe some family, some friends and even some complete strangers, but no matter who you are I have prayed for you and prayed that God is using me and my words to bless you in some way. 

     For my family; most of you know about my sweet step-son.  You know that last year on October fourth the doctors diagnosed him with DIPG, a cancer that they said was inoperable.  You also know that the doctors even suggested to us that we may want to consider having Christmas during Thanksgiving.  For those of you who don't know me, you may have caught a glimpse of the story through some of my earlier blogs.

     When we first got the news I remember going into the bathroom, falling to my knees and begging God not to take my baby!  I spoke to my mother, father and a few others, but the conversation that hit me the hardest and stuck with me, even to this day, was the one I had with my Uncle Larry.  I cried my heart out to him and when I stopped to take a breath he said to me...ok, now you've got that (doubt and fear) out of your system, now we're gonna give it back to the Lord.  He said, Terra...the Dr. can only see what the human eye will allow them to see, but God sees and knows all!  He is the author and finisher of our faith.  He told me to pray and trust God at His word, that He is a healer and that He is faithful and that He had no intention on leaving me and especially my step son now.  He prayed with me and I have hung onto that everyday since. 

     Now, I won't lie and say I didn't have a day here and there when the enemy fought his way into my mind and fear reared it's ugly head, but I never lost my faith!!  I trusted God and called on Jehovah Rapha; God the healer!!  It's been an up and down battle, not just for our little guy and this horrible disease; it felt like we watched his health and motor skills deteriorate before our eyes, but also with and among family and friends.  There have been many disagreements, falling outs and even relationships ended.  Some things that I believe that if we would all look back on now we could see was the work of the devil.  We just gave him the foot hold in our minds to take the lead in certain areas, but I will say that he was never able to steal away the beautiful spirit of that sweet little boy.  I will also say that if we are being truly honest, I am sure some of this was truly allowed by God to test the faith of some, open the eyes of others and even end some things that were not healthy or in His will. 

     I don't run back through these things to have you say 'oh, I'm so sorry...or this is so horrible for you and your family', but instead to get you to understand that God Himself truly had His hand in this journey from day one.  I remember my husband being in the hospital room with our little guy while we were waiting on the results of the MRI to come back, I was in the car with his mom en route to quickly pick up her car that was left at the other hospital when one of the doctors came back to the room.  He told Brian that the tumor was about the size of a golf ball and then Brian quickly called to tell us.  Once she got off the phone she broke down telling me what he said; we hugged and I told her that we have to hold on....this is going to be a bigger platform for all to see how truly AWESOME GOD IS. 

    Well, the day before yesterday his mommy took him to get his MRI and that nasty cancerous tumor is almost gone!!!!  With God's grace he will return to school after some physical and occupational therapy.  My husband and I sat in awe of God for what felt like almost an hour, with no words spoken to each other, but tears flowing from our eyes and gratefulness pouring out of our hearts to God. 

     One person I couldn't wait to tell was my son because every night in prayer for his brother he asked God to heal his brother and help him go back to school.  I was so excited to tell my little man that God heard him every night, that He doesn't always come when we want Him to or when we think He should, but that He always comes.  He may not even come in the way we think He should...but His timing and ways are always perfect! 

     If I could sit with all of you individually, even the whole world, I would be so honored and blessed to tell you about my Awesome God...Our Awesome God!  It doesn't matter what it looks like to our eyes, it doesn't matter what it feels like, what the world says or even how impossible it may seem...nothing; ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is too big for God.  As a matter of fact, nothing is too amazing for God either!!  I truly beg for those of you who aren't seeking God to please give yourself this blessed opportunity to do so now.  Don't look at this as a 'Wow, that's a great story' or 'that is a miracle' but, not really soak up what a miracle this really is and who is to be blessed for it.  God can bless you the same way He did my sweet lil buddy.  He has your own amazing miracle waiting just for you. 

     I'm praying with my whole heart that you will give God; give yourself, an honest effort and chance to come to Him and gain your own personal relationship with Him.  I'm not sure why, but thirty days keeps coming to me.  Promise God you will give Him thirty days of truly seeking, studying, praising and worshipping Him.  Wake up for these next thirty days and first drop to your knees.  Start you day with Him and give Him glory.  Ask Him to order your steps throughout the day and let Him know you know you can't do it without Him.  Find a study or just read a few scriptures every day and mediate on them.  One of my favorite places to start is the Gospel of John.  This is where the Love of God is truly emphasized.  You could read some of this book daily and pray that God will help it take root in your heart.  If your heart and motives are sincere God will show Himself to you, He will come into your heart and bless you beyond what you could imagine or dream, but it will take faith and dedication on  your part. 

     Right now my heart is so passionate for God and I know that ALL THE GLORY BELONGS TO HIM.  I know I'm not what I should be, but I honestly thank God I'm not what I used to be (we sing that in church and oh, how true it is).  It's His grace and mercy has kept our precious lil guy...has kept our whole family and I know He will keep you too. 

     I have an email address attached to my blog and if you want to email me with something you want me to pray about, maybe you want some suggestions on what or where to read or maybe help with praying and seeking God....whatever it may be...I would be more than happy to respond back.  I realize I'm not a preacher or a teacher, but I want you...everyone to know of God's goodness, of His faithfulness...He is our all in all!!  I pray that you seek Him, because I know that He loves you and is just waiting for you to open your heart to him!!