September 12, 2013/GOD IS AWESOME

     Right now I have more joy in my heart than I can possible contain, so instead of even trying to contain it I'm going to share it with you and pray to my Awesome God above that you are touched, transformed or your faith restored.  I'm not sure who all reads my blog...I believe some family, some friends and even some complete strangers, but no matter who you are I have prayed for you and prayed that God is using me and my words to bless you in some way. 

     For my family; most of you know about my sweet step-son.  You know that last year on October fourth the doctors diagnosed him with DIPG, a cancer that they said was inoperable.  You also know that the doctors even suggested to us that we may want to consider having Christmas during Thanksgiving.  For those of you who don't know me, you may have caught a glimpse of the story through some of my earlier blogs.

     When we first got the news I remember going into the bathroom, falling to my knees and begging God not to take my baby!  I spoke to my mother, father and a few others, but the conversation that hit me the hardest and stuck with me, even to this day, was the one I had with my Uncle Larry.  I cried my heart out to him and when I stopped to take a breath he said to me...ok, now you've got that (doubt and fear) out of your system, now we're gonna give it back to the Lord.  He said, Terra...the Dr. can only see what the human eye will allow them to see, but God sees and knows all!  He is the author and finisher of our faith.  He told me to pray and trust God at His word, that He is a healer and that He is faithful and that He had no intention on leaving me and especially my step son now.  He prayed with me and I have hung onto that everyday since. 

     Now, I won't lie and say I didn't have a day here and there when the enemy fought his way into my mind and fear reared it's ugly head, but I never lost my faith!!  I trusted God and called on Jehovah Rapha; God the healer!!  It's been an up and down battle, not just for our little guy and this horrible disease; it felt like we watched his health and motor skills deteriorate before our eyes, but also with and among family and friends.  There have been many disagreements, falling outs and even relationships ended.  Some things that I believe that if we would all look back on now we could see was the work of the devil.  We just gave him the foot hold in our minds to take the lead in certain areas, but I will say that he was never able to steal away the beautiful spirit of that sweet little boy.  I will also say that if we are being truly honest, I am sure some of this was truly allowed by God to test the faith of some, open the eyes of others and even end some things that were not healthy or in His will. 

     I don't run back through these things to have you say 'oh, I'm so sorry...or this is so horrible for you and your family', but instead to get you to understand that God Himself truly had His hand in this journey from day one.  I remember my husband being in the hospital room with our little guy while we were waiting on the results of the MRI to come back, I was in the car with his mom en route to quickly pick up her car that was left at the other hospital when one of the doctors came back to the room.  He told Brian that the tumor was about the size of a golf ball and then Brian quickly called to tell us.  Once she got off the phone she broke down telling me what he said; we hugged and I told her that we have to hold on....this is going to be a bigger platform for all to see how truly AWESOME GOD IS. 

    Well, the day before yesterday his mommy took him to get his MRI and that nasty cancerous tumor is almost gone!!!!  With God's grace he will return to school after some physical and occupational therapy.  My husband and I sat in awe of God for what felt like almost an hour, with no words spoken to each other, but tears flowing from our eyes and gratefulness pouring out of our hearts to God. 

     One person I couldn't wait to tell was my son because every night in prayer for his brother he asked God to heal his brother and help him go back to school.  I was so excited to tell my little man that God heard him every night, that He doesn't always come when we want Him to or when we think He should, but that He always comes.  He may not even come in the way we think He should...but His timing and ways are always perfect! 

     If I could sit with all of you individually, even the whole world, I would be so honored and blessed to tell you about my Awesome God...Our Awesome God!  It doesn't matter what it looks like to our eyes, it doesn't matter what it feels like, what the world says or even how impossible it may seem...nothing; ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is too big for God.  As a matter of fact, nothing is too amazing for God either!!  I truly beg for those of you who aren't seeking God to please give yourself this blessed opportunity to do so now.  Don't look at this as a 'Wow, that's a great story' or 'that is a miracle' but, not really soak up what a miracle this really is and who is to be blessed for it.  God can bless you the same way He did my sweet lil buddy.  He has your own amazing miracle waiting just for you. 

     I'm praying with my whole heart that you will give God; give yourself, an honest effort and chance to come to Him and gain your own personal relationship with Him.  I'm not sure why, but thirty days keeps coming to me.  Promise God you will give Him thirty days of truly seeking, studying, praising and worshipping Him.  Wake up for these next thirty days and first drop to your knees.  Start you day with Him and give Him glory.  Ask Him to order your steps throughout the day and let Him know you know you can't do it without Him.  Find a study or just read a few scriptures every day and mediate on them.  One of my favorite places to start is the Gospel of John.  This is where the Love of God is truly emphasized.  You could read some of this book daily and pray that God will help it take root in your heart.  If your heart and motives are sincere God will show Himself to you, He will come into your heart and bless you beyond what you could imagine or dream, but it will take faith and dedication on  your part. 

     Right now my heart is so passionate for God and I know that ALL THE GLORY BELONGS TO HIM.  I know I'm not what I should be, but I honestly thank God I'm not what I used to be (we sing that in church and oh, how true it is).  It's His grace and mercy has kept our precious lil guy...has kept our whole family and I know He will keep you too. 

     I have an email address attached to my blog and if you want to email me with something you want me to pray about, maybe you want some suggestions on what or where to read or maybe help with praying and seeking God....whatever it may be...I would be more than happy to respond back.  I realize I'm not a preacher or a teacher, but I want you...everyone to know of God's goodness, of His faithfulness...He is our all in all!!  I pray that you seek Him, because I know that He loves you and is just waiting for you to open your heart to him!!