These last couple of days I am fighting tears and just wanting to sit in a corner, cry and let go; but I know that I can't. I'm very overwhelmed with sadness, heartache and confusion. Confusion at the way things are being handled, heartache for the pain that those around me are going through and sadness that I can't take it all away to endure to myself or better yet, none of us have to go through it at all!
Right now I feel powerless to change or to fix anything; I feel persecuted on many sides and can't understand why it's being allowed to happen or even why at a time like this it's even a thought to happen. For many years I did what I thought was right; stayed instead of walking, thought I was protecting others, but now realize that I was just enabling them and allowed many things to happen because; well for many reasons. I felt like I couldn't do it by myself, I felt I had to forgive to the point of letting it happen over and over again, and I was fearful of making some feel alone or condemned. I felt that if I was trying to walk with God I had no right to put my foot down and no right to tell someone they were wrong for this or that…I mean I am not God, I am not their judge…right!?!
The truth of the matter is, while I thought I was helping, I have been standing in the way of God doing what He does best. Not just for those closest to me but, even for those that have entered my life through no choice of my own. Many decision and choices have been made in the past based off of emotions, current situations and what others thought was best or simple just wanted. Now we are all left to deal with the consequences of those actions. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for forgiving…I'm the type of person that you can do me wrong one minute and the next I'll forgive you and give you a hug to seal the deal. But, some where along the way I have failed to figure out how to stand up, to hold true to what I firmly believe in and not compromise my God given faith.
While I feel like I'm growing more and more in Christ, I realize that there are still many changes that need to be made. However, I also realize that I can only control myself…that others are still going to do what they want. Problem is, I need to figure out when and were do I draw the line, when do I speak up and to whom do I speak up to? Trusting in God does not always mean sitting in silence, just praying and relying on my faith to carry me through; sometimes God calls us to step up, speak out and stand on our faith. Now whether that's speaking the truth, putting your foot down or even walking away that's up to us to ask God to help us decide, but we do have to decide!
1 Corinthians 16:13 (NKJV) 13 Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong.
You're blessed because Jesus loves you!
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