Learning to Love Myself

For whatever reason, (not sure if I’m still seeking the reason(s) or if my knowing and willingness to change it is enough), I’ve never really known or loved the "me" that God created me to be.  Instead I created a "me" that I saw in the world and through other people.  I would look at other people and think this person was much smarter than I was, or that person had a better style, or this person was so outgoing they were more fun to be around…even down to my very loud and obnoxious laugh.  Often I condemn myself for not being like others or what I thought I should be.  Because I felt this way, I never really liked or believed in myself.   

Sadly, this behavior or view of myself has carried into my adult life and, at times, I still try to fashion myself into what I think I should be instead of accepting what God created me to be.  As a result of living this way I have built up walls to protect myself, walls that not only keep others out, but also keep me trapped in.  It has caused me to smother the good qualities that He has blessed me with.  I spent too much time trying to fit in or be liked or thought I was being so helpful to the point of not taking care of myself.  Because I felt so low about myself, I didn’t take the time to develop my talents or gifts…or at least I thought I hadn’t. 

Recently, I have cut a lot distractions and comparing myself to others out of my life.  Now, I won’t lie and say that I’ve been able to let it all go yet…but, I’m becoming more comfortable with who I really am.  Some days are harder than others, as old habits die hard, but with prayer and God's healing I am learning to love and accept me for who I am in Christ. God doesn't make mistakes and He certainly can't lie; and never has He ever told me that I am worthless. 

Ephesians 2:10 (VOICE) ¹⁰ For we are the product of His hand, heaven’s poetry etched on lives, created in the Anointed, Jesus, to accomplish the good works God arranged long ago.

While what I see in others is truly beautiful, it is also for them.  I don't have to emulate what I see in others because the qualities that I posses have a purpose for my position in the Kingdom of God. My eyes are finally being opened to see that much of what I have been doing, most of my life, is what and who God has really created me to be.   I am a very loving, forgiving and compassionate person that loves to pray for and with anyone.  I have a true desire in my heart for everyone to know God and do my best daily to allow Him to use me and my life to be a blessing to someone else.  And my laugh, although loud, is genuine and just plain me.

I am hoping that as I become more comfortable and open I will, without fear or reservation, reach out and speak about the goodness of God.  I know that I will have some good and bad days, but with continued prayer and trust in God I will stop doubting myself.  If I fall or fail, then I'll have to do my best to get back up and try again without condemning myself.  Lately, I have had such a strong desire to be a part of something in our church and/or community.  I'm praying that as I grow I will soon be able to shed this shyness and fear to become a part of some of the ministries in our church. 

  We all have things about ourselves that we would like to change and some of it may need to be changed, but despite what our minds may tell us we are beautifully and wonderfully made.  We are all different for a reason and it's time to cast out the self hatred and doubt and embrace the "us" that God created us to be.  Pray and ask God to heal your wounds and open your eyes to the beauty that He sees in you!

Psalm 139:14 (NLT) ¹⁴ Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.